On the hydrangeas
the weight of the morning sun
the evening sun
---Otsuyu
not loving, the way I used to lovea negative signof aginga positive signnot hating, the way I used to hate
Wow!But it needs some editing.but I'd take out'a negative sign' and 'a positive sign' and perhaps the second 'love' and 'hate'aging -not lovingthe way I used to [love]not hatingthe way I used to [hate]all the best David
Excellent. I would tend to agree with David,though, that being more concise makes it even more powerful.
Thank you, David and Beatrice!I posted that yesterday, right after I thought of it, because it seemed like a funny observation. David, you made from it an elegant poem!:) Thank you!
Either way...a powerful observation!
Amen to that.
Bravo, Vida!
Nancy, Diana and Carlos, thank you!
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7 comments:
Wow!But it needs some editing.
but I'd take out
'a negative sign' and 'a positive sign' and perhaps the second 'love' and 'hate'
aging -
not loving
the way I used to [love]
not hating
the way I used to [hate]
all the best David
Excellent. I would tend to agree with David,though, that being more concise makes it even more powerful.
Thank you, David and Beatrice!
I posted that yesterday, right after I thought of it, because it seemed like a funny observation. David, you made from it an elegant poem!:) Thank you!
Either way...a powerful observation!
Amen to that.
Bravo, Vida!
Nancy, Diana and Carlos, thank you!
Post a Comment