On the hydrangeas
the weight of the morning sun
the evening sun
---Otsuyu
Hi Damien,I love the feel of this! ;-)It needs a slight adjustment though.Can you tell me what you mean specifically by the phrase: "premières loges"?ORIGINAL HAIKUaugust full moon -carbage cans in the streetat first seatsALTERNATIVES?august full moon -carbage cans in the streetfirst row seatsaugust full moon -carbage cans in the streetturn into the best seatsaugust full moon -carbage cans in the streetturn into first lodgingsall my very best,AlanThe With Words International Online Haiku Competition 2010: weblink to competition page.
Yikes! As I mentioned to Damien, I missed the typo of garbage instead of carbage.Watch this space, Damien is working on a new version.Alan
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2 comments:
Hi Damien,
I love the feel of this! ;-)
It needs a slight adjustment though.
Can you tell me what you mean specifically by the phrase: "premières loges"?
ORIGINAL HAIKU
august full moon -
carbage cans in the street
at first seats
ALTERNATIVES?
august full moon -
carbage cans in the street
first row seats
august full moon -
carbage cans in the street
turn into the best seats
august full moon -
carbage cans in the street
turn into first lodgings
all my very best,
Alan
The With Words International Online Haiku Competition 2010: weblink to competition page
.
Yikes! As I mentioned to Damien, I missed the typo of garbage instead of carbage.
Watch this space, Damien is working on a new version.
Alan
Post a Comment