On the hydrangeas

the weight of the morning sun

the evening sun


---Otsuyu


a day you promised
to not leave me forever
feels like yesterday
in my cabinet, a box full
of our memorabilia

seperti baru kemarin
kau berjanji tak kan pernah pergi
di lemariku,
satu kardus penuh
memorabilia berdebu

4 comments:

Alan Summers said...

Really like this, just one suggestion for line two.

a day you promised
to not leave me forever
feels like yesterday
in my cabinet, a box full
of our memorabilia


look forward to more tanka! ;-)

Alan
Alan’s Area 17 blog
.

Wandering spirit said...

Thank you, Alan. Is there any difference in line two?

WWB

Wandering spirit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alan Summers said...

Well spotted!

I meant to suggest:

a day you promised
not to leave me forever
feels like yesterday
in my cabinet, a box full
of our memorabilia


Just switching "not" and "to" around in the second line.

Terrific tanka! ;-)

all my best,

Alan
blog: Alan’s Area 17 blog

website: With Words
.