On the hydrangeas

the weight of the morning sun

the evening sun


---Otsuyu


a day you promised
to not leave me forever
feels like yesterday
in my cabinet, a box full
of our memorabilia

seperti baru kemarin
kau berjanji tak kan pernah pergi
di lemariku,
satu kardus penuh
memorabilia berdebu

4 comments:

Area 17 said...

Really like this, just one suggestion for line two.

a day you promised
to not leave me forever
feels like yesterday
in my cabinet, a box full
of our memorabilia


look forward to more tanka! ;-)

Alan
Alan’s Area 17 blog
.

Wahyu W. Basjir said...

Thank you, Alan. Is there any difference in line two?

WWB

Wahyu W. Basjir said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Area 17 said...

Well spotted!

I meant to suggest:

a day you promised
not to leave me forever
feels like yesterday
in my cabinet, a box full
of our memorabilia


Just switching "not" and "to" around in the second line.

Terrific tanka! ;-)

all my best,

Alan
blog: Alan’s Area 17 blog

website: With Words
.