a day you promised
to not leave me forever
feels like yesterday
in my cabinet, a box full
of our memorabilia
seperti baru kemarin
kau berjanji tak kan pernah pergi
di lemariku,
satu kardus penuh
memorabilia berdebu
On the hydrangeas
the weight of the morning sun
the evening sun
---Otsuyu
4 comments:
Really like this, just one suggestion for line two.
a day you promised
to not leave me forever
feels like yesterday
in my cabinet, a box full
of our memorabilia
look forward to more tanka! ;-)
Alan
Alan’s Area 17 blog
.
Thank you, Alan. Is there any difference in line two?
WWB
Well spotted!
I meant to suggest:
a day you promised
not to leave me forever
feels like yesterday
in my cabinet, a box full
of our memorabilia
Just switching "not" and "to" around in the second line.
Terrific tanka! ;-)
all my best,
Alan
blog: Alan’s Area 17 blog
website: With Words
.
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