On the hydrangeas

the weight of the morning sun

the evening sun


---Otsuyu


after

after the funeral
dodging deep puddles
in the long grass

gerald england

--

5 comments:

Carlos Gesmundo said...

Liked this one.

Alan Summers said...

Sad subject, but terrific haiku.

after the funeral
dodging the deep puddles
in the long grass


I wonder if you could dispense with one of the definite articles?

e.g.

after the funeral
dodging deep puddles
in the long grass


Which accentuates the alliteration, but I feel it complements the movement of 'dodging deep puddles'.

Either way, this is a fantastic poem!

all my best,

Alan
Area 17
.

Gerald (Ackworth born) said...

spot on alan - have edited it - the haiku originated in a dream and had several changes of wordage (I was editing it in my sleep) and when I came to write it the wordage was different again - i had to post here so as not to forget it!

Alan Summers said...

I'm envious you could record it during sleep, half-awake.

I've never quite been able to capture dreams in time down on paper.

It's a brilliant haiku.

Alan

diana l. said...

I agree. Haven't quite gotten to writing haiku in my sleep (yet?), but I love the idea of using dreams as inspiration...