On the hydrangeas
the weight of the morning sun
the evening sun
Liked this one.
Sad subject, but terrific haiku.after the funeraldodging the deep puddlesin the long grassI wonder if you could dispense with one of the definite articles?e.g.after the funeraldodging deep puddlesin the long grassWhich accentuates the alliteration, but I feel it complements the movement of 'dodging deep puddles'.Either way, this is a fantastic poem!all my best,AlanArea 17.
spot on alan - have edited it - the haiku originated in a dream and had several changes of wordage (I was editing it in my sleep) and when I came to write it the wordage was different again - i had to post here so as not to forget it!
I'm envious you could record it during sleep, half-awake. I've never quite been able to capture dreams in time down on paper.It's a brilliant haiku.Alan
I agree. Haven't quite gotten to writing haiku in my sleep (yet?), but I love the idea of using dreams as inspiration...
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