after the funeral
dodging deep puddles
in the long grass
gerald england
--
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On the hydrangeas
the weight of the morning sun
the evening sun
---Otsuyu
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5 comments:
Liked this one.
Sad subject, but terrific haiku.
after the funeral
dodging the deep puddles
in the long grass
I wonder if you could dispense with one of the definite articles?
e.g.
after the funeral
dodging deep puddles
in the long grass
Which accentuates the alliteration, but I feel it complements the movement of 'dodging deep puddles'.
Either way, this is a fantastic poem!
all my best,
Alan
Area 17
.
spot on alan - have edited it - the haiku originated in a dream and had several changes of wordage (I was editing it in my sleep) and when I came to write it the wordage was different again - i had to post here so as not to forget it!
I'm envious you could record it during sleep, half-awake.
I've never quite been able to capture dreams in time down on paper.
It's a brilliant haiku.
Alan
I agree. Haven't quite gotten to writing haiku in my sleep (yet?), but I love the idea of using dreams as inspiration...
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